When to tell work?

It's kind of inconvenient (and unexpected) to fall pregnant within one month of starting a new job!  I can really only put it down to completely coincidental timing, or the fact that since starting the job, I'm not stressed about money for the first time in a few years.  They're great employers, so I'm sure they'll react well and be supportive - but I feel terrible because it wasn't in my plan for it to happen so soon!  I was thinking it might have worked out for the best that I hadn't already fallen pregnant, so that I could get a couple of good years of work done there, before I have to take time off.  

I'm hoping that they'll allow me some maternity leave and then return to work part-time until further notice, as I don't want to lose the opportunity to work there for such wonderful employers and with such a great team!  It's awesome to have a job that I enjoy and I look forward to being there for the long term... Hopefully they will know all of this and we can plan accordingly.  But then, I don't expect them to do without someone in my role while they wait for me to do the motherhood thing!  We'll see...

But all this has made me a bit unsure of what I should do with regards to telling them.  I'm only 5 weeks now, so not exactly out of the danger period - and I don't want to cause a fuss for nothing.  The fact that I haven't had any symptoms (apart from a bit of booby-tenderness), actually kind of makes me wonder if there is a baby there at all!  I'm sure all first time mums feel that way though! 

However, today I felt a couple of twinges of sickness/dizziness, and truthfully, I can feel in my heart that everything is going to work out... so I think I will just confirm everything with my doctor on Saturday and then tell my bosses next week.  I don't want to start getting sick and then tell them.  They're the kind of people who would rather know ahead of time and I don't want to give them any last minute surprises.

On the home front, I gave in and bought one little thing on the weekend.  A tiny jumpsuit with Virgo on it... so cute, and I felt like I was sending positive vibes to the universe that my baby would be born at the expected time.  My sister gave me a 3 pack of little white socks.  Both are soooooooooooo cute.

Last night I found out I was pregnant... first time... at nearly 36

Dear Baby

Well, we found out last night that you existed.  We almost knew a few days ago, because I was late (I’ll explain that one day when you’re older) and that was unusual... so I did a pregnancy test and even though you’re supposed to wait 10 minutes, it immediately came up with a very firm single line that seemed to say “I’m so negative that I didn’t hesitate to appear”.  I told your Dad “it’s negative”.  He said “oh”.  Then I went to bed, leaving the strip lying there next to the sink.   

In the morning, I was washing my hands and happened to glance at the strip, and a 2nd pink link had appeared.  I was a bit confused.  I didn’t know if the line had appeared within the first 10 minutes, or sometime since then.  The pack said that any changes to a negative result after those 10 minutes should be ignored.  Now I didn’t know whether or not to ignore that 2nd pink line.  So I did what any concerned potential mother would do – I googled “positive pregnancy test overnight after negative result” and found lots of stories of people who had gone through the same thing... most of whom were actually pregnant.

I called your Aunty Ann anyway, who is a nurse, and answers all my medical questions.  She said that the test didn’t mean anything because if you leave the strip for a long time, the 2nd line can just show up through being saturated with urine.  Gross hey?  Anyway, I bought a 3-pack of tests on the way home from work last night.  I bought one that shows results in 3 minutes, so that I didn’t have to wait for the excruciating 10.

So I peed on the stick, and after about 20 seconds one line appeared... and then maybe 5 seconds later, a second line appeared, and you gently said “hey Mum”.

I called your Dad, saying, “Hey babe, come and have a look at this”.  He came and looked.  He looked very closely.  He stared in fact.  I said “one line means it’s negative, two lines means it’s positive”.  He stared again and asked “that’s definitely two lines hey?”.  Then he smiled his beautiful big smile.  “I’m confused”, I whispered; “I don’t know what to think”.  We both looked at the lines for a little longer.  Your Dad queried “so it was all white before?  No lines?  Just white? And now there’s  lines?” He’s so cute when he’s clarifying things.  “Yep, just white”, I replied.  “Wow” he said.

We called Grandma, and left a message.  We called Aunty Ann, who nearly hyperventilated and then cried with excitement; and then we called Uncle Patrick.  Later on, I spoke to Grandma, who sounded in shock.  I bet she’s already deciding what to buy for you first.

Later we went to bed but didn’t think we’d be able to sleep.  It was such a surreal feeling, knowing that you were finally here.   I said to your Dad “so this little baby is half of me, and half of you; that’s quite a miracle”.  Then as I lay there, I thought of your Grandfather, who’s not with us anymore, and hoped that he was able to see what was happening.  He would just love you so much.  I shed a little tear that I think was a mixture of happiness about you and sadness about my Dad at the same time. 

And here I am the following morning, on the train on the way to work, trying to act like it’s just a normal day.  When really, all I can think about is that you are a teeny tiny speck inside.  I am already thinking about becoming totally organic and moving to the country so that nothing can taint you.  I even had second thoughts about using my shower gel this morning in case it had nasties in it.  I just want to look after you and do everything I can to make sure you’re ok.  And you’re still just a speck.

Love 

Mum