Dear Baby
Well, we found out last night that you existed. We almost knew a few days ago, because I was late (I’ll explain that one day when you’re older) and that was unusual... so I did a pregnancy test and even though you’re supposed to wait 10 minutes, it immediately came up with a very firm single line that seemed to say “I’m so negative that I didn’t hesitate to appear”. I told your Dad “it’s negative”. He said “oh”. Then I went to bed, leaving the strip lying there next to the sink.
In the morning, I was washing my hands and happened to glance at the strip, and a 2nd pink link had appeared. I was a bit confused. I didn’t know if the line had appeared within the first 10 minutes, or sometime since then. The pack said that any changes to a negative result after those 10 minutes should be ignored. Now I didn’t know whether or not to ignore that 2nd pink line. So I did what any concerned potential mother would do – I googled “positive pregnancy test overnight after negative result” and found lots of stories of people who had gone through the same thing... most of whom were actually pregnant.
I called your Aunty Ann anyway, who is a nurse, and answers all my medical questions. She said that the test didn’t mean anything because if you leave the strip for a long time, the 2nd line can just show up through being saturated with urine. Gross hey? Anyway, I bought a 3-pack of tests on the way home from work last night. I bought one that shows results in 3 minutes, so that I didn’t have to wait for the excruciating 10.
So I peed on the stick, and after about 20 seconds one line appeared... and then maybe 5 seconds later, a second line appeared, and you gently said “hey Mum”.
I called your Dad, saying, “Hey babe, come and have a look at this”. He came and looked. He looked very closely. He stared in fact. I said “one line means it’s negative, two lines means it’s positive”. He stared again and asked “that’s definitely two lines hey?”. Then he smiled his beautiful big smile. “I’m confused”, I whispered; “I don’t know what to think”. We both looked at the lines for a little longer. Your Dad queried “so it was all white before? No lines? Just white? And now there’s lines?” He’s so cute when he’s clarifying things. “Yep, just white”, I replied. “Wow” he said.
We called Grandma, and left a message. We called Aunty Ann, who nearly hyperventilated and then cried with excitement; and then we called Uncle Patrick. Later on, I spoke to Grandma, who sounded in shock. I bet she’s already deciding what to buy for you first.
Later we went to bed but didn’t think we’d be able to sleep. It was such a surreal feeling, knowing that you were finally here. I said to your Dad “so this little baby is half of me, and half of you; that’s quite a miracle”. Then as I lay there, I thought of your Grandfather, who’s not with us anymore, and hoped that he was able to see what was happening. He would just love you so much. I shed a little tear that I think was a mixture of happiness about you and sadness about my Dad at the same time.
And here I am the following morning, on the train on the way to work, trying to act like it’s just a normal day. When really, all I can think about is that you are a teeny tiny speck inside. I am already thinking about becoming totally organic and moving to the country so that nothing can taint you. I even had second thoughts about using my shower gel this morning in case it had nasties in it. I just want to look after you and do everything I can to make sure you’re ok. And you’re still just a speck.
Love
Mum
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